“I’m sorry.”
There’s great power in those two words. They can radically change a relationship, restore trust and heal wounds. But only if they are said with a spirit of authenticity.
If you want to be proficient in delivering an apology, first think about what it feels like to receive an apology.
Not all apologies carry the same weight. Some say, “I’m sorry,” only because they were caught, to get someone off their back, or because they were forced into it.
These are not apologies. They are statements that acknowledge the other person’s displeasure but indicate the individual is still refusing to recognize their part in the offense.
There are two primary reasons people struggle to say, “I’m sorry.”
First, You are trying to control how others perceive you. This is when you put “a spin” on your behavior. “Oh, I’m sorry, I was tired, that’s why I did that.” Making excuses is a form of image management (an attempt to guard how others see you). And image management is a form of deceiving others.
Second, You cannot handle seeing your own brokenness. To say “I’m sorry” is to admit your weakness, fault, or sin. For some, facing the truth about themself is too difficult to bear. In this case, we are not deceiving others; we are deceiving ourselves.
In both cases, the underlying issue is a failure to find your identity in Christ. When you live in light of God’s grace, you will have the ability to deliver an authentic apology that restores harmony and trust. But when your identity is not grounded in Christ, you will face great temptation to protect your image.
An authentic apology includes:
- Reflecting on what you did and why you did it.
- Sincerely admitting where you were wrong.
- Sensitively acknowledging the emotional or tangible impact your actions had on the individual(s).
- Articulating the specific change, you will strive to make.
Leaders are responsible for shaping the team culture. They shape the culture through how they communicate. And one of the most essential communication skills you can learn is the art of the apology.
This post is from my upcoming book Leading Departments: Developing the Character and Competency to Lead a Ministry. Check out the Discipling Leader series HERE.
